Not for Grumpy People

Some people are so miserable and grumpy, I wonder if they know how to smile. Every opportunity you give them, turns into excuses for why something won't work. I'm not sure if it's a cultural thing (though I'm sure that has some impact) but I wonder if they've ever been exposed to the other side of the coin.

I started to wonder why I even feel so passionately about grumpy people. Why do I care what they think. I mean, they exist, they live their lives and who am I to judge or make comment on how they choose to live their lives? If they want to be grumpy - let them, right?! If I dissect this further, I realize what has changed in me internally - I used to be grumpier, and I see the light now.

I used to think of it as "the glass is half empty but it means we can easily fill it up with more". I guess I always used to see additional opportunities when it looked a bit tough. Now, I realize there is even another way - "the glass is half full AND we can easily fill it up with more".

I am amazed at the impact this attitude has on everyone around me. Not only am I happier, everyone around me is happier! The facts have not changed, yet we all seem to be having more fun trying to fill the glass! With this change, I now want to share this secret even with the grumpy people.

I realize though that some people are absolutely satisfied in their grumpiness and that won't change until they decide they're ready to change. Sometimes, I need to keep my passion in check and make sure I don't waste too much time on the grumpy.

This blog is not for the grumpy. It's for those who are already open and ready - let's share the secret and pass it along.

Memories are made of feelings

They say that the things you remember are the events and moments with vivid, strong emotions attached. Okay, I'm going to be black and white here - these vivid emotions tend to be either extremely positive or negative. For instance, many people remember assassinations, 9/11 etc. They also remember weddings, births, graduation, etc. In fact, the list goes on and on.

However, I'll take it one step further to say that I think it's not only the vivid, big, over-the-top memories that stick, but also the smaller ones. They add up!

I believe we need to ensure we have an incredibly rich store of positive memories to draw upon and remember, or else we might think on our deathbeds that we did not enjoy our lives. And that would be such a shame. I think if we begin with all the smaller positive memories, when the big ones come along, they become that much more important, that much more vivid, and then that much more memorable.

I will start small - we all have to start somewhere. I need to savour at least 1 positive memory every single day. By making that conscious decision to savour and relive something that day, it helps me remind and reward myself with positive feelings that seem to flow into the following day. And there are lots of positive things that happen every day if you are open to seeing them.

I did not have a bad day today. However, it started a little different from most Saturdays. Today we had a snowstorm and when I got to the fitness class I teach, I started with about 5 people. I was getting ready to start, and one of the 5 people said, "Don't worry, I'm sure more people will come" and I said, "I'm not worried. No matter how many people show up, we're going to have a good time, just the few of us." 23 more people showed up. Now, 28 is much fewer than the typical 40+ Saturday class, however for a snowstorm class, I was pretty happy. Plus, at the end, a new participant said to me, "That was INCREDIBLE! I really enjoyed that!"

Bingo. Positive memory. Happy pat on the back. And it's only 10:30am. I wonder how many more positive things will happen over the course of the day!

Remember to savour your memories and make more positive ones. I can't think of a better way to be rich, than to be rich with happiness.

Reconnecting over Coffee

I had coffee with someone last week who I haven't seen in years. I knew him from work. He was an extremely technical person and I was not. He helped me decipher and understand the components of the products and services and translate those messages into marketing messages. We also got along on a personal level and had interesting chats about non-work related things.

To make a long story short, he is currently now on Long Term Disability and has had a few difficult years.

By fluke, we reconnected last week over coffee and chatted. We shared stories and I was saddened to see just how much of his spirit had been lost in those few short years since I last saw him. What I said to him was:

"Everyone has their strengths and their weaknesses. Unfortunately for you, you've lost what was once your strength, and now as you attempt to live your life in a meaningful way, you continue to look to look at what you're unable to do. Things that you used to be able to do in your sleep are now extremely difficult, and sometimes, perhaps even impossible. You need to mourn that loss, and when you're done, you need to re-evaluate who you are today. What are your strengths and weaknesses now? Go to your strength, and find what you are able to do well now. Take your new-found experiences and discover new strengths that you didn't have before, and that others value. I believe the secret to success and happiness is doing what you enjoy and are good at - no matter where you are in life."

His lightbulb went off and he starts to tell me about some conversations he's had with others about some other things he might be able to do. His face lights up as he realizes that there are things he can do, and there are other ways to do them.

Prior to meeting for coffee, he told his wife that I was someone who always chatted with him about other 'stuff' and had a spirit that most others at the company did not have. I guess when he told me that, it just meant to me that I had an impact on his life years before, and I continue to have an impact on his life now. I feel incredibly joyful about this and can't describe the difference it made in my day.

I guess that's why I always welcome a coffee - I'm never sure what will happen and who's life may change. Many times, it's mine that gets changed for the better.

Is there someone you've been thinking about reconnecting with? Just do it. You just never know what might happen.

Give a boost, get a boost

We all have times of insecurity when we're not feeling as confident as we normally feel. And whether that is due to work, home, school and/or stress, the good thing is we eventually get over it.

Sometimes, we get help by our friends, and other times complete strangers will somehow say something that will give you that boost of confidence we all need once in a while. I met a complete stranger today who took the time to understand me. The most amazing part was that she helped remind me of who I am, my strengths and how in the right environment, these strengths are extremely valuable.

Of course none of this is a surprise to me - I knew this already in the back of my mind. However, after living in the the day-to-day grind of an environment that is the opposite of my strengths can take a heavy toll. I began to forget and lose sight of how much I am valued - just not where I was.

She likely does not have any idea of the impact she had on me today. She freely gave to me something that was extremely valuable to me - a boost of confidence - and I welcomed it. And in the process, she did not think twice about what she gave and got on with her day. How's that for making an impact on someone?

I have been making it a habit - say something positive to people everyday. Make it a habit, pass it on, and you'll get it back in spades.

Time after time

"I don't have any time."

I hear this a lot. Heck, I probably say it a lot too. Somehow, someway, I find myself always taking on multiple balls to juggle, most of which are fairly important and requires intense increments of time. Yet, I smile when I take the moment to reflect on this because I realize I do this to myself. I do this on purpose! And even better, it makes me happy.

Huh? I choose to be in these situations taking on multiple roles and responsibilities packing my hours because if I didn't, I'd probably be bored. More importantly, I seem better at managing multiple balls than I am at managing one. There's something about the other balls, that allows the learnings I gain from one to be used to help another. I think it's like how we can figure things out when we're not thinking about it. Or, how we seem to get clues from our dreams. My multiple balls allows me to subconsciously figure out solutions that I would not be able to figure out if I only had one ball in the air. Now, how cool is that?

Back to the original question - how do you find time?
Although I've committed far more hours lately to my multiple projects, I still seem to be relatively sane, happy, and capable. The question should not be "how do you find time" but "are you happy spending your hours in the activities you do". You'll find that if the answer is "yes", time does not seem to be a problem.

Slowing down to smell the roses

I said an extra special Thank You to a co-worker yesterday.

I called her and when I didn't reach her, I left her a voicemail telling her that I really appreciated all the effort she put into getting something done for me as quickly as she did.

She sent me a quick email saying "You're welcome". She then went on to dismiss what she did by saying essentially that it was just her job and it was "all in a day's work".

I could not let her do this to herself. Never ever underestimate your abilities or your impact to someone else! I reminded her that I knew everyone has a lot on the go, and that the extra effort she mustered up to get things done was extremely appreciated. Yes, it is her job, but she could just as easily have given me many reasons why she couldn't get it done.

You know what happened? I think I made her day. Plus, I made my day too. I can't explain why I felt so great about it - perhaps it was simply in seeing the impact I was making on her mood and then the ensuing extra effort she put into the rest of the day. It was fabulous. I felt as though I made a difference. We need to do that every day.

Let's compliment 2 people every day of our lives. Think about how great you'll make them feel, and how great you'll feel too.

Let me start: Thank you for the taking the time to read my post! What do you think? Agree, Disagree? Any suggestions for making someone's day?